TristanPipo.com

Well today I worked extremly early and got home and Preston my best friend of 13 years was online so I started chatting with him and we got on the topic of TV. And we were talking about how neither of us watch much TV. But he watches TV with his girlfriend but never alone. And then I was like some commercials today are messed up and he was like agreed. So then I was thinking what commercials have caught my eye.

The one that has a catchy jingle recently is that double mint commercials.

Commercial #1
Commercial #2

Which got me thinking these girls are actually pretty damn cute. And Preston being the whipped person that he is now was having trouble getting him to agree. So I was like eh whatever. So he started passing me links to these porn sites with twins. He was like that is a hot twin. I am like thinking Bill Lumberg Style “I’m going to have to sorta disagree with you there” those chicks may be slutty but not what I look for in a girl. He was like eh yeah I see your point and he said to each their own.

But while thinking of even posting this I was like Preston am I pathetic for taking the time to find the commercials. Upload them to my FTP server and then write a blog about it and going to the even further venture of putting in the Austin Powers: Goldmember DVD and grabbing that quote where Austin says Twin’s Basil, Twins

He laughed this off as nothing so now thanks for reading this wonderful post about the Doublemint Twins Gum Commercial, Austin Powers and the debate of twins being hot.

Not the idea of a threesome has never really excited me. Because it seems like someone is going to get the short end of the deal on this matter and I am all about equal opportunity and I would rather just share that experience with just one female not two. But that’s just me and as Preston said earlier. To Each their own.

But this also got me thinking about the Tag Body Spray Can Picture I posted a while ago. And someone couldn’t remember the commercial so low and behold I got it for them.
Tag Body Spray With Mother Commercial

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Sex Tips for Geeks

This has been on the internet for a while. But this little article could help most of the male viewers of this blog. Even myself.

Here is a bit from the “The Art of Pickup”

Too many hackers seem to feel they’re doomed from the opening scene of the mating game. Fortunately, picking up potential partners is a learnable skill. Even if you find that sexual tension reduces you to a tongue-tied clod or a babbling twit, there are steps you can take to get better at it.
The first, most important thing for you to know is this; women can smell fear — and they run away from it. When you’re trying to pick up a girl, whether it’s for a one-night stand or because you think she might be the love of your life, the most powerful thing you can do is to be unafraid of either failure or success.

The flip side of this is that self-confidence is your best friend. As we discussed in How To Be Sexy, women can smell self-confidence too — and they go for it like cats for catnip. It doesn’t much matter exactly why you’re self-confident; it could be because you’re an alpha male in some hierarchy, or it could be because you’ve encountered the woman in a setting where you are functioning at your best and you know it, or it could even be because you just took the right recreational drugs.

“But Eric,” I hear you ask, “I’m a beta male, and I’m standing around at some stupid party, and I am neither tipsy nor stoned. How do I become self-confident enough not to smell of fear?” I can answer in two words: fake it.

I realize that this goes against all the standard advice you get from the usual well-meaning people, who will begin and end with “be yourself”. If yourself is chronically inept with attractive women, this advice sucks. You need to learn method acting. At that party, watch guys who are chatting up women effectively. Imitate them. Don’t worry too hard about replicating their mental states or understanding why they do what they do; if you do their moves understanding will happen naturally over time. Play the role of confident person until you become it.

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I was waking up this morning and was thinking how the internet has changed since I first touched it when I was 13. And then I started to think what ScreenNames have I had over the years.

The first time I entered a chat room was over at Preston’s House on IRC went into #irc4kids or something. And I selected the awesome SN of PumpkinMaster. I remember talking to a 13 year old girl from Los Angeles and was amazed that I could talk to an actual girl without having that stupid young embarassment of being in person. Though the conversation failed.

Later that year my parents got an actual decent computer it was a 486 DX4 running at an amazing 125mhz with 16MB of RAM and a 1GB HDD running Windows 95! And I was like maybe I should try this whole chat room thing again. So I went to Geocities chat when they were seperate from Yahoo and had chat rooms. I think I choose like PumpkinMaster again and was like eh. So I did what any young boy wanted to do and went on a hunt for another female. I started talking to this girl who was like 19 and she was from North or South Carolina. And I was just trying to be funny and she started calling me “Craze” which later I found out was an attempt at spelling crazy but she did it wrong. She said she had a sister my age and said I should get ICQ. ICQ was the thing to have back in the day. So I downloaded it and you can still find me on my ICQ #11339355 and that went by Craze for a while.

Later I got bored with the whole chatting thing. I still chat with a few people from back in the day. A girl named Ashley who lives up in Canada. I would have to say she is my longest internet friend. But anyways I started to play DoomII over Kali and someone called me The Phantom so I thought I would change that up a bit and do My First and Middle Initials cause thought it would be cool. So that’s how we got TJThePhantom. I still use it to this day. Drives me crazy when people change their SN’s all the time. I did try and make the switch to a different one when Metal Gear Solid came out for the Playstation 1 to SSnakeMale but most people just thought it was some pervert sending them an IM so I have since moved away from that SN. I still login to it at times just to see if anyone has blocked me. But other then that serves no real purpose.

I have used a few other SN’s since then on message boards. Mainly XMDude, SiriusDude now I just try and get Tristan. If that name is taken I will just use TristanP, TPipo or some variation like that.

But TJThePhantom has been my alias on the chat networks nothing really exciting there. You can find me on Google Talk now under the name Tristan.Pipo@gmail.com and my Skype Name is Tristan.Mac which is on the side of the blog.

The great day of SN’s has taken over the world. I found something that I liked and haven’t really moved from it since then. I guess that just shows I am not a big fan of change or just not creative enough to come up with something new. =p

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Seattle 206-376-9798

I remember seeing this number on somebody’s profile and thought man that is just to funny. I guess this is a weapon for ladies. I would suggest writing it down and passing out to people that scare you.

I passed it along to Dave that guy who asked for my cell phone #. But anyways working on the My oh My. Because that was just crazy. Anyways peace out everyone.

I was requested to remove this post Funny Phone Calls But I thought why should I remove this post? I have only removed two posts in the history of this blog. This one is not causing any harm. I will just leave it as is.

Anyways Peace Out People.

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Well I must admit the past few days have been a real trip into the odd world. Lots of stuff came back to bite me in the ass that I forgot about and has been laughed upon by everyone.

But work is calling my name at the moment and when I get back I will enlighten everyone in this tale of humor.

But I guess we shall give some hints.

Voyage to IKEA, I was in a Magazine, Traffic, Ollies Arrival At the Airport, Finals. All of these elements add up to just WTF happened the past few days. Anyways more later.

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Well here it is Thursday August 25th 2005 1 year and 11 days since my worst day ever. I am presenting this in a PDF Document and as raw text here. I would suggest grabbing the PDF and reading that because it has the correct text formatting and a few graphics. =) This writing has been through a couple drafts I have to thank my friend Rachel for helping me correct the first draft. Then me and Preston did some work on the second and third drafts. And the forth and the fifth me and Sergie (The Russian) came up with something. This isn’t a sad story but a funny one so I present this story later then I really wanted but it’s up here.

Anyways for those who want the PDF Document.

The Worst Day Ever

The Worst Day of My Life
By Tristan Pipo

It happened on a warm and silky night of August 14
th
, 2004. Stars were shining and the night was singing Love Serenade. One person on earth did not care about this Romance! He was bitter, he was confused and he was sleeping in back of the truck.

This man was Tristan Pipo!!!!!!

We will bring you a story of one man’s misery developed from series of unfortunate events which led it to be the most hilarious adventure of his life…

About a month before this day I had met a girl online - Maggie. We had a lot in common and we got along great. Talked on the phone really late some nights and thought what would be a good setting for a first date.

“Finally “I thought “there is someone I can relate to” and thought that we had hit it off.

Now I am taking the audience to summer   of 2003 - time of bridal games with my ex-girlfriend Andrea (GO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT!!!!!!!!!). This has nothing to do with the current story other than setting up a time frame and just mentioning the fact that I am not GAY. So the story goes – I came home to my sister’s graduation from Indiana. My aunt lent me her truck for few weeks. Cause I was a good boy. The location is Drive-In Move Theater.  Participants: whole bunch of people including my sister’s annoying friends.

 Driver in charge: Mr. Tristan Pipo – The Man Himself.  Had great fun with “Bruce Almighty” and “X2”, tons of soda in coolers, great laughs and good Friends.

 

This event has inspired a perfect setup for a first date with Maggie. My aunt’s truck, drive-in move theater and a possible double date arrangement for more comforting ambiance –or so I thought.  At the time Darin was dating Kacey, but I was never really sure what kind of relationship that they had. Since Darin was a total flip-flop.

I would look at Kacey and think” how in the world can Darin do this to her”.

(Kacey is one of those few amazing people in the world and he is creating this mess of confusion.   I guess little that I knew at the time, that I totally had affection for Kacey, but had no way to express this to her since she was with someone else. Which in itself is an entirely different story – and it is not for public viewing.)

I talked to Darin and Kacey about this and they agreed to go for a double date. I was entirely excited on how perfect things were shaping up.

Until about a week before the event I got a phone call from Maggie with by far the biggest Bull Shit Excuse I have ever heard in my entire life.

Which was as follows: “Sorry Tristan, something came up for the 14th. My friend is coming to pick up a bed and therefore I cannot go”. I had an Angel on my right shoulder   and Devil on my left first time in my life agreeing with each other on how absolutely bogus this excuse was.

I am driving down to Tacoma and I have a big fucking truck and can haul this bed anywhere it needs to go. It was similar to how females say: “I am at a very vulnerable time of my life right now – so let’s just stay friends”. Or, “I am very busy with my work”, or “my cousin is in town” and on and on. All it really amounts to is rejection. So let’s have a count.
REJECTION#1!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, being in total devastation about this event and more so about letting Darin and Kacey down and putting in a backbreaking labor in order to earn the truck this time around - I was trying to make this work anyway. It was a matter of principal to me!

(Mind you, I still have no clue that I have feelings for Kacey – just chill on a back wall of my heart every time I am in her presence).

I went to Jared and laid out the situation before him – like “hey Dude this is wrong”. He was totally compelled to help and offered to ask his friend Sydney if she could just sit in for the evening. Well, I think the chick is a mix of extreme republican with a priest which makes her dangerous to the world. But the fact of her being an airhead takes the edge down and makes her absolutely safe. Yeah, whatever! Anyway this was my only way out and I had very little alternatives. So, I ask her –she says “ok, whatever”, things are set in motion – RIGHT?????  WRONG AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

On the day of the 14
th
, in the morning she called and said she was sick.                 WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

REJECTION#2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I was roaming around with a “Mother fucking shit ass… blah… Grrrr!” general attitude that day. THE STORM WAS COMING!!!!! So to have an outlet for built up steam I detailed my aunt’s truck spotless, virtually licked it with my tongue, sprayed it with Fabreeze and then I called Andrea. A really good friend of mine whom I wanted to set up dating Ollie awhile back and who by coincidence has same name as my Ex. So I let her know my situation of two canceled dates on me and would love just someone to chill and enjoy two movies with. She said she would call me after she got done at work which was right about the time the movie was scheduled to start.

So there I was – in the back of my aunt’s truck with a flaky guy who dates most wonderful girl in the whole world whom I much rather be alone with, I have no one by my side – even a friend, looking into this romantic night and thinking – COULD THIS GET ANY WORSE??????????  YES, MY FRIENDS – IT DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mind you as these thoughts were flying through my head we were listening to Sirius Radio so as the movie started I had to hurry up and reconfigure my radio so that at least I could enjoy watching movies if nothing else. And that’s where the shit just got added even more on top of the pile of hell.

Earlier in the evening as I was figuring out my attire I had chose to ware my favorite LEVI jeans. I don’t remember about the shirt, but jeans are the ones that said “OK, Motherfucker as if you did not have enough – HERE YOU GOOOOO – RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP !!!!”

I go to sit up and get out of the back of the truck and all I hear is an awful sound of pants splitting in the middle, right down my butt crack.

 I don’t recall exactly what I said after that – everything got blurred by the BLINDING ANGER IN ME. It felt like in the movie “Donnie Darko”, like being in a gelatin of moving substance of the world – but not being part of it. Darin, my good friend, decides to step in and to help with the radio conversion. Kacey, I think, was laughing but looking away.

SIDE NOTE: I like to make Kacey laugh – makes me happy!!!

I was trying to find a blanket or a pillow or something to just cover my shame. My thoughts were all over the place. I was concerned about my friend Andrea coming at this time - but she called and said she was too tired. Thank goodness I did not have to explain to her my sudden appearance.

So Aliens vs. Predator came on the screen. By this time my dear readers I had my own Aliens and Predators tearing insides of me apart!!!!

I could not handle the stress of the situation and I just fell asleep hoping to keep any dignity in my mind still alive. So I am like wonderful that was great evening. So I try to start cleaning everything up in my ripped up pants and begin to think this has been the shittiest night I have ever had. Somewhere, between the blur of my sleep and the nightmare of my reality I felt waking up to “I,ROBOT” and finally was “shaken, but not stirred” like a good martini drink but my friend Darin telling me that it is time to go.  

So, here I was, standing next to the side of the truck feeling like a complete loser. This was a pathetic seen. And just about when there has to be an end to my humiliations I had to open another can of warms. The truck was low on battery so when I tried to start it – it would not start and to top it of – the alarm went of like crazy.  This final outburst has drawn unnecessary attention to my less than glamorous situation. People started to wake up, even though before hand had no trouble sleeping next to bouncing cars where others had absolutely wild and crazy sex.

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS COMMOTION IS ME – POOR GUY WHO JUST WANTED SOME COMPANIONSHIP.
 

 But good people of the drive-in had this machine that jumped the truck and the alarm shut off and we could be on our way shortly. I loaded up Darin’s car and got in the truck pissed to all hell that I was making this journey alone.

As I was driving away from my humiliation, this bizarre overwhelming rage finally got in hold of my temper. I just ripped the pants off, feeling almost like a CHIP’N’DALE dancer and threw them out the window driving down the freeway.

Like, Fuck You Pants - just one sign of a negative evening!!!!!!!!!

Driving down the freeway in this huge truck I noticed the gas was running a bit low. I stopped at the gas station forgetting that I was just in boxers and a T-Shirt.  But I in my misery and devastation I did not care anymore. I was pumping gas when this hot chick pulls up with her boyfriend and just looks at me. She walked into the mini mart and on her way back she looked at me and said – “you Fucking Pervert - put some pants on”.

 I looked down nothing was exposed and since I was numb from this entire nights events I did not give a flying fuck about that. She proceeded to get more aggressive and threatened to call the cops. I am just like “eh, whatever”. Having nothing more to lose, despite of the low level yelling from inside her boyfriends car I got my gas, climbed in my infamous truck and was disappearing into the night, far away from what has proven to be – THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was thinking how low I felt at the time and even at that destiny hasn’t exhausted its jokes on me. This girl had to come and make me feel even more like shit for something I couldn’t help. I came home and crash into bed. The next morning I drove the truck to my aunt’s house and returned it and hoped that an evening that bad could never happen again.

 

As I look into the past of that night now I think - “man, that was one extremely fucked up but really funny situation”.

 I mean, not to often something as memorable as that will happen to me or anyone for that matter. This is comical and cute, painful and exhausting story of a man who just wanted to have a good time with his friends, possibly under the influence of love for someone whom he could not even express his feelings to.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. It will be a great memory that I will always have. Something to laugh about and when I get older remember that some time ago I lived life and was not scared to be MYSELF. And the only people that got to experience it were Me, Darin and Kacey.

 But oh well. I will hope to have an experience like that again this summer.

 

The End

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ME and the Russian were discussing this on the phone earlier and I was thinking what does mine say about Romance.

I found this one.

Him:
Sensible, down-to-earth, and practical, you might be tempted to think of him as romantic as an old pair of shoes. But Venus, his ruling planet, has taught him well the arts of love. Though his thrifty side may balk at a dozen roses to lay at your feet, he does know how romantic strength of a single perfect bloom. His style may not be extravagant, but his good taste will delight you. This bull of a man might take a while to decide if you are the one for him. Once he sets his eyes one you, though, he’ll be ready to commit. This is one romantic guy who means what he says. And he believes firmly in the importance of marriage, home and family. He is stubborn, yes, but he can also be infinitely patient. Never, never trifle with the bull, though.

I like the line about “He is stubborn, yes, but he can also be infinitely patient” I think that line seems to fit me to a T as they say.

Here is one that I grabbed that is a defenition of Taurus.
Your natural inner feelings for comfort, warmth and material security can never be denied by you - for these are the basic building blocks of your character. You need a stable, safe and generally unchanging environment to function happily and peacefully.

Your feelings are genuine, warm and caring - with a definite fixity. In other words, you don’t like change too much - which makes your relationships very stable. This element of fixity makes you inflexible in many areas. You don’t change your mind easily and friends and loved ones will certainly see a stubborn side to your nature.

With respect to money - you do have a tendency to be very conservative and frugal - waste is an abhorrent thing to you, and even the small things that others discard are seen to be of value by you.You generally take a cautious and even mistrusting approach to the world and people around you - until you loosen up enough to take them into your confidence.

One of your challenges in life is to not take things too easy and complacently - you have such a talent with material resources that it would be a shame to waste all that natural potential for achievement.

Kinda cool to read this stuff and see how close it is to a match. I think it matches pretty darn close.

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I will be posting the Worst Day Ever Post that I have been working on for way to long wanted to have it out by August 14th for the 1year anniversary. But it will be posted for everyone to read on Thursday August 25th.

Blogger was down and couldn’t write anything so I got a few other posts I am working on.

So main focus is getting that completed.

Lots of other stuff to discuss started writing a few of those and just been getting this other blog taken care of. =)

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“steal free wireless internet”
If it’s free why do you have to steal it?

“how do i google myself”
Now this is pretty stupid. You just type your name into Google you don’t have to learn how to google yourself to google yourself.

“apple ships from SHANGHAI CN how long does it take”
Well it says on the FedEx Package Tracker when it will arrive. Don’t think you really need google for this one.

“find out who clicks on myspace account”
Well hmmm Why would I touch this one. MySpace Users are Coding Gods! Why would they need to find out how to do this. I have seen all their wonderful colored and musical pages that like to crash web browsers and just plain be annoying. Don’t need this.

“seattle pacific science center napolean dynamite”
Why is Napolean Dynamite doing anything at the Pacific Science Center? Wouldn’t he totally defeat the purpose. Maybe he has some great skills to offer them.

These were just some more of the recent ones. I have been seeing an increase in The Killers Music, Tag Body Spray, Napolean Dynamite, Jack Johnson have been on the list of repeats in ways that people find my site. But this is just crazy stuff.

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Well this week I have very little to no sleep. Plus the gym is closed so that messes up my sleep even more. And the past couple days of have been a trip.

I have recieved a few phone calls and 4 e-mails regarding my last blog post. Most were along the lines of “WTF Tristan post something interesting that’s why I come to this blog” But thinking about these sort of comments got me thinking but my thoughts were not clear. But EdTV was on TBS you know that 1999 movie directed by Ron Howard. And about this ordinary guy and he gets his life put on TV 24hrs a day. And it was just choas. That’s kinda what a blog is like. Anyone can tap in and view what I am thinking pretty much any given time. And then comment about it. In the movie he lifts up newspapers with his thoughts and then peoples reactions. That’s the whole blog ideal for most of us.

So lets start with Thursday I had class and was driving home and got a text message from a California phone #. And it was this girl that found me by route of my sister and she was like I want to meet you again I was parked in a parking lot enjoying a Diet Coke and a Cheeseburger. Then I was like eh okay I can prolong how long I drink this Diet Coke. So I was just enjoying the Apollo 13 Soundtrack and going on a journey into the world of Aspartame Sweetener.

She shows up and she is freaking out about some friend of hers coming to kick her ass so she gave me a hug and was telling me how I needed to protect her from her friend. Being a stranger to this girl I was thinking maybe I should just book out of their. Nick and This girls name who escapes me at this current writing (J-Something I feel like a jerk for not recalling her name since she knows mineJustine! figured it out). Anyways moving on I being the nice guy that finishes last I waited with her getting to know her a little bit and she kinda went a little weird saying she only has sex with black guys. And how she slept with 5 different guys in one night. Now this tells me she is rather easy but not exactly a girl I would like to get with. But didn’t want her friend to kick her ass I waited on this pointless endeavor.

Her friend arrived and did nothing well I was like umm okay I am out so I called up the Nickster on the Telephone. (The joy or lack thereof caused by cell phones is another blog day) I will say I had the Russian KGB getting me in the Russian way of thinking before I went anywhere or did anything with this mystery girl. But her friend came and I left and that was the end of that.

So Me and Nick and Justine met up and just chilled in the Hot Tub. Back massages were passed around and great conversation over some Fat Tire and Alaskan Amber. Kinda odd to see a girl drink those who is also smart. But anyways 2:30am rolls around and I was like well we better head home I have work early and then class. So lets move forward to today.

Woke up and thought I had to be at work by 8:30 so I set the alarm for 7:30 figuring I could shower and be out by 8:05 and be there early. But I get out of the shower and my cell phone is vibrating and blinking like some kind of novelty dildo. And it has a text message from my friend at work saying your schedule got changed to be here at 8 and I am like &%*)#&*($&(# and was there by 8:15.

Had to do my old job today and you can tell everyone in that department is bitter and angry and just a real negative energy flowing from them. And I just couldn’t get into working there again so I just went off and did my own thing. I must say that doing this walked into the back and they were like your a strong guy we need you to destroy this block of wood. So they gave me an Axe. A Firemans Axe and swinging that thing and destroying that block of wood was just amazing. I felt great after I did that and was thinking that swinging an axe isn’t such a bad job. I guess that is why the loggers group at my high school were always a fairly happy bunch. They had a positive output of their negative energy.

So anyways kinda slacked off today cause I was tired and didn’t really want to see people. I went and had some Teriyaki for lunch. And then got off and got in the car and started down the road. It’s Flash Friday so had to get the headlights on and this trip was a bit lacking on the exposure. Only 1 car was nice enough to grace me enough with the gifts she has. Anyways I hear this report on XM Seattle Traffic Channel 220 and they said Fire on I-5. Sure enough I look up and there is all this smoke coming from the side of the road. It was crazy to see a brush fire. Tree’s were going up in flames and tires. It was just an odd view and I was thinking a smoker probably started this fire. I will never get the whole point of smoking there doesn’t seem to be one great reason to smoke at all. It looked like it was about to take out a cell phone tower.

But now I am in class and kinda doing this blog from something different. Running Fedora Core 4 and the Konqueror Web Browser just to be a bit more of an l33t Nerd. =) Anyways here is the update that everyone was requesting.

I was thinking about adopting the Russian’s Nickname for me which is “Big Daddy Cool” we shall see how it goes with the peers.

This is Tristan Pipo Ending Post #437 with a “Hootie Hooo” =)

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